Monday, August 22, 2005

An Intimate, personal glance into my private places...

Now I know, or at least suspect, that there are those of you out there who, as you lean back in your frayed and worn easy chair, slurping back the third of maybe five glasses of MadDog 20-20, stumbling around the internet at 2:30 in the morning with only a crumb-filled keyboard and an archaic mouse without a scroll wheel to keep the dark monster of loneliness at bay, wonder to yourselves in the quaint yet amusing way you have of scratching your two-day growth of stubble and looking slightly bemused, now just who IS this Partisan Pundit guy?

Well, let me tell you. Here are a few of the things that fill my troubled, angst-filled hours of staring at the ceiling spackle as dawn paints its subtle yet portenteous calling card across the ever-lightening sky:
  • Someday, I hope to have MY blog mentioned ever-so-casually in a Day-by-Day comic strip.
  • Someday, I hope to have a pithy, methaphysical, and slightly off-kilter IM conversation with Jeff Goldstein.
  • I hope to someday have someone ask me to guest-blog while they attend some high-falootin' conference of "influential" bloggers.
  • Someday I hope to be considered an "influential" blogger.
  • Someday I hope to ask someone to guest-blog for me while I attend a high-falootin' conference of "influential" bloggers.
  • I'd like to someday be able to get into some vitriolic email flame-war with some closet feminist blogger that will drive both our traffic up considerably as people flock to see what sort of vile, irrational, flailing histrionics we've hurled at each other THIS time.
  • Once, just ONCE, I'd like to get an Instalanche.
  • I love to be on RightWingSparkle's Blogroll. Even if it's just for a little while. Really.
  • Being the Minister of Defence (isn't it cute how Canadians spell that all wrong and stuff. It should be "Defense" you wacky canucks!) at Mitchieville is all fine and good, but someday I'd like to be appointed Evil Maniacal Despotic Oppressive Jackbooted Thug For Life. With my own parking space. And a company car (one of the nice ones, you know, with power windows, cd-changer and cruise control. Not those import pieces of shit you give the interns down at the Marketing deparment.)
  • I dream of the day when Joseph Farah will call, and invite me to be a staff editorialist.
  • I long for the day when I will be misquoted in any major newspaper or talk-radio show.

So basically, I am a desperate, clingy, needy journalist wannabe with delusions of grandeur...

...like this is news to anybody.