Saturday, May 14, 2005

This just in!

In the news today, the Palestinians have issued a strongly worded statement condemning the removal of Saddam Hussein as Emperor for Life of Iraq. In a prepared statement, spokesman Diap'r Rashid stated that, "The loss of those martyr payments made by Saddam Hussein to the families of the valiant warriors who have dashed themselves against the bulwarks of Israeli buses and sidewalk cafes has meant the loss of tens of thousands of dollars to our economy. This has placed a deep financial hardship on the people of Palestine. Our children grow hungry and weak, and soon they will not even be able to walk with 15 pounds of C-4 strapped to themselves, as Allah has called them to do. This humanitarian crisis can only be laid at the feet of the oppressive United States."

In a related story, France continues to issue statements of condemnation and outrage over the loss of food-for-oil kickbacks that had become the backbone of the French economy. Well, as much as the French can have a backbone in anything. The French Minister of Interior, a Mr. Jacques Meihoff, complained loudly at a recent session of the UN General Assembly that American intervention in Iraq has caused many French politicians to suffer immeasurable hardship. Some have even been forced to drink domestic wines, and eat only 2nd rate caviar. There are even rumors that some of those especially hard hit had to move their mistresses into smaller chalets.

And finally, Il Presidente' Vincente Fox of Mexico has threated to file charges against the United States in the International Criminal Court if the US proceeds with its plan to actually do something about the flood of Mexican citizens crossing its border. Presidente' Fox has likened denying drivers licenses and social security benefits to illegal aliens as "a crime against humanity." The loss of the millions of dollars sent south each year by undocumented Mexican workers will force the Mexican government to face the fact that through corruption and gross mismanagement, it simply refuses to provide a decent standard of living for its own people. So instead, Fox and Company require the massive cross-border chattel drive to keep them in the style to which they've grown accumstomed. There is also a growing fear among the Mexicali elite that the loss of the prodigious kickbacks from the drug cartels if the flood of drugs across the border slows will cause widespread social instability.

Presidente' Fox has threatened to issue other strongly worded statements if the US irrationally continues to insist on the sovereignty of its borders.

More on this story as our President continues to actually listen to this corrupt and self-serving criminal...