Sunday, March 20, 2005

Still want to retire to Florida?

Well, the Powers That Be in that great state of Florida have decided that Terri Schiavo should be starved to death because, well, her (ex)husband wants her to.

The Therapist draws a darkly humorous parallel between Scott Peterson and Michael Schiavo, which rings disturbingly true. Why does one husband kill his wife and get The Chair, while another kils his wife, and gets a lump sum?

Florida has traditionally been a haven for retirees. The long standing Joke is that Palm Springs and the Florida Panhandle are the two most popular destinations for the Grey Brigade who want to wile away the final years of their lives in warm, sunny, retirement communities twittling away their childrens' inheritance.

Suddenly, Florida may not be safe for the geriatric set. Heaven forbid you have a stroke on the back nine of the Sunny Acres Golf course, and end up in the hospital with partial paralysis and slurred speech. Your wife jumps at the chance to cash in your life insurance, and gets Circuit Court Judge George Greer to declare you a burden on society, cutting off your food and water 'til you die of thirst and starvation.

I'm thinking the Senior Citizens' discount at the local multiplex won't make up for the risk that you'll slip in the shower, break a hip, and the Florida courts will swoop in and put a crimp in your oxygen hose.

Retire means to take out of circulation, not cut OFF the circulation.

Soon, Florida will no longer be know as the place people go to retire. It's where they will go to expire. Maybe Jack Kevorkian should "retire" there as well. I bet he'd make a killing.